I miss you guys and I apologize for not being to commit to the voluntary work anymore. Ive volunteered for a whole 7 months and calling it quits isnt easy when it was part of my daily routine.. I wonder if you guys can still remember me? I think about you guys now and then.. When I get out of this shithole of an education system, I promise to do more to help people like you, people who need my help out there. I promise.

Life's been okay...

Apart from the fact that I am going to flunk biz law mid terms ( didnt have a clue what promissory estoppel was, which is the rule to apply for the case in a qn), and business,gov,society mid terms tmr ( srsly?!?! on a saturday morning?!??! ) and im so not prepared!!

On a lighter note, I feel so happy at home even during this rough week. My mom's feeling under the weather ( fever and all ) but it made me realize how important she is in our household. She is EVERYTHING to my father,Sal, Noel and myself!! Without her, there is no longer  a chauffeur for my sisters ( NOTE: I have to take public transport now because I cant possibly expect her to ferry me to school when it's so freaking convenient), a brilliant cook for the entire family ( Getting ulcers and constipation from the lack of home cooked meals. I hate eating out because it's soooo unhealthy! ), a life sized soft toy for ME as I always need to hug and kiss her at least 3 times a day! yada yada..

Aunty Jasmine's back from her shopping trip in Europe and she got me a Moschino wallet from the Cheap & Chic range! Had to pretend to like it even though the design and colour doesnt reflect my character. =/ Stupid kenny was looking forward to see my reaction after knowing what she got for me?

On a side note, been getting annoyed at Kenny for developing an obsession with Poker. I shall research on ways to help divert his attention from the game!

I don’t like to feel this minute.. this insignificant. I don’t like the feeling of staying awake because I am guilty of falling asleep with so much left undone ; Yet staying awake yields nothing productive.

So many thoughts running through my mind now, and I desperately want to sort them out and put them in the correct places. I wish i can have some sign to show me the way as to how I should lead my life, or even go off from where I am. I am lost and confused. My engine refuses to start and I am so very tired.

It’s barely 2 months and this is freaking me out.

I want to feel safe again. I dont like to be hounded by deadlines, to be chasing after the paper dream , to be walking down this faithless road – all for naught.

Am I not good enough to love? I am trying so hard to keep up with you, staying up late into the night for your calls, just to hear your voice. To be honest, it doesnt make things any better knowing that you have to return to Indo for a short trip. At a hectic week of mine when I most likely need you the most? Seriously?

I am so sick of things not going my way.

I want to curl up in bed for a whole day just to finish a book.

I took in a hamster as my asthmatic friend is unable to look after it during the A level period. Having to see my mom take care of it most of the time and whining about how much pain the hamster has to go through, I can’t help but respect her insistence on a no-pet allowed home. She doesn’t like to watch animals suffer, age and die.  Yet she is kind enough to help me look after it because I am afraid of watching it suffer as well.

Anyway on a lighter note, I got a new phone. To replace a crappy Sony Ericsson one I purchased earlier this year. I was really disappointed about not being able to get an Iphone in time. My dad was really doing his best to help me get one and I really appreciate his intention. He wanted to cheer up me because I have been so moody recently. Okay who feels good about getting 1/10 for a Stats quiz. Anyway the prof will take the best 3 scores out of 5 so hopefully i can do better than that for the following quizzes which will be HARDER. Damn. Anyway I hate the fact that my Dad’s vouchers are expiring.. Otherwise I would have waited for the release of the next iphone batch in 1-2 mth’s time.

My dad has high expectations of me. He wants me to be a businesswoman in future. And I laughed when I heard that.

I love my family!

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that K and this guy from my business law class (lets call him C ) are actually friends.  Thing is C makes the most brilliant comments in class ( I think he shares intelligent conversations with his gf who happens to be in smu law).

Sick and tired of using my dad’s thumb drive modem. I can’t wait for the wireless to be activated on thurs.

UPDATE:

Since I am officially a business student, my dad has been oh-so-eager to let me manage my wealth fully ie give me a fixed allowance every month so that I dont have to rely on my mom to run errands for me. But I dont like it? I always spend whatever cash I have in my wallet so handing me so much cash as the beginning of the month isnt really a good idea.

On another note I really do consider myself lucky to have made it to SMU without much effort put in during the As. Some have called me lucky, others just thought I was outspoken enough to have made it. Well the truth is I hate it here... I mean okay I have made a couple of good friends in school but I hate the way it is in the classrooms? I wish I was made more adaptable, less straightforward. I hate the fact that I wear my emotions on my face. I have to learn to conceal my feelings. Especially towards events that I am unagreeable to. Oh well I tried speaking to my family about this and my mom has been really supportive throughout the rough weeks. I am really thankful for my parents for they have encouraged me to take the course at my own pace and they have enough to support me through it all.. The issue is I really do want to make my parents proud especially when they only have daughters.

Been falling sick recently and K has tried cheering me up with shopping sprees. But it really does not help much? It sucks to know his dad has so many plans for him after his NS. Study law in England or to work in Indonesia where he is building a convention centre. I wish I was less reliant on him.. I wish he had less reponsibilities... yadayada

I cant wait for 2009 to be over. But I shall continue to treat myself good!